Surreal

The surreal feeling will accompany you always and everywhere ...
You will wake up in a bed...thousands of kilometers away to find your heart back home. Insomnia and anxiety... constant monitoring of internet press releases.. are my personal manifestations of 'war mode', or better yet: 'survival mode' and yours too will resurface again ...

No matter where you, despite of where you are... because a country is so much more than a piece of land: its a sanctuary of memories with lovedones... testimony to good times and bad...

This has been surreal and more than ever I wonder about long term commitments: why do we spend so much time planning an uncertain and turbulent futurewhich at any moment can become the past? why when all leaders around us are displaying adolescent temper tantrums... playing a game of 'truth or dare' do we display a maturity beyond our years and a calmness in facing all this madness?

I think we build and believe in the future possiblity of our dreams becoming reality, because deep inside we have not lost faith in humanity and no matter how many times we are deceived by the unfortunate turn of events...

We add a step to that ladder leading to our hopes... sometimes it will break under our weight, sometimes it looks scarred but holds strong... in the end, it reminds us that we have something to hold on to, something to live for... because we all need something to believe in...

from afar

bitter tears are streaming down faces...
acidic after-taste of gun powder and smoke...
and the sound of violence ripping through the space:
of a divided country, conquered street, forgotton home.

those within are surviving, those without are praying...
those afar are helpless...and those too close are remote...

and the speeches have left no companions,
but those in arms, ready to fight
and while brother buries brother, another day begins
without promise, without sun
the open battles rage, and the children grow up too soon

from afar my heart is bleeding
from afar memories are fleeting back
from afar i am with you
always with you

and i am engulfed by helplessness...
and i am worried
and i cannot but think of loved ones all over lebanon...
in conflict zones.. and silent zones

all scarred
all fearful
all waiting, hoping for a better tomorrow

it feels surreal..
i want to go back,
to be with you,
to be by your side

it is raining here and there
the pain is everywhere

as i watch the muddy waters stream past
i want them to wash away all this suffering
but i am no longer so naive
and im no longer making sense
and everything is put into perspective
future and past
present
now
here
there

with you
for you

take care
stay safe
stay humane

remember that somewhere in this world
you matter to someone
you matter to me

and i will not let you
forget your humanity

and i will be there
to hold you close

and i will whisper dreams

and we will be strong

and we will stay together
through it all

we shall overcome

and the scariest thing has come to pass...
im stuck in another country far away from my loved ones...
who are stuck in a lose-lose situation...´
in my homeland, in my home.

and the song plays again in my head:
we shall overcome someday:

we shall overcome hate and prejudice
we shall overcome selfishness and division
someday...

deep in my heart
i do believe
that we shall overcome someday

ramblings of a confused soul

The cold breeze

slips through the cracks

to put out the fire.

The flames flicker

and the shadows

dance.

Loneliness strikes
in a crowded room

choaking me
with sadness

clouding my
Eyes with
memories

Consuming me
with
SILENCE

where laughter
used to be.

WORDS
are scars
of Memories...
left wandering
on the pages
of our
existence...

Testimony to
our Hopes
and Disappointments...

Persevering
through
TIME.

From Barcelona... with love

Hola!

i have been here in Barcelona for a little over a month now, soaking up to the beautiful city, set on discovering future goals... and meeting new people! and i plan on making the most of this experience.. and using it to grow...wings... that will bridge together the different parts of my soul.

this experience is teaching me something already... no matter where you are geographically, home is where your heart is... that is your ultimate citizenship...

the masters course is interesting not only in the course description, but also in that it is a meeting of citizens of the world, from all around the world, united in a common cause... and its interesting to see from a birds eye view how local problems are in fact international, and that there are many creative solutions that we just can´t see... so its really an eye opener, and maybe after this time is over... i will be able to give back a little... to Lebanon...

i promise to try and write with some regularity, and to explore the issues im dealing with... unfiltered as usual... so bear with me!

my first post from barcelona, with love...

A new adventure beckons

A new adventure beckons to my impatient soul: always on the look out for the next challenge, yet always yearning for the peace that come from within... Eluding me is a sense of accomplishment, and so I charge forward...

Its funny how life can change in an instant, and the battle you were waiting for is suddenly at hand, and you feel inadequate... but you know you need it, you know you can do it, you are just uncertain how to start addressing it... you're not afraid, just apprehensive...

I'm about to take a step which is huger than any i've taken before... I have been accepted into a master's program in barcelona... and it feels like a huge step to take... i've started taking spanish lessons... and have a lot of things to cross off my list... and i have to get ready to leave my beloved country, my friends, my family, my love... for one year...

I have been silent for a while because I really did not know what to say... I can't write when i'm troubled, when I have no vision, when it is dark in me... and it has been dark for a while, with broken dreams and postponed deadlines and a re-evaluation of self, and a re-adjustment of priorities... and after a period of disillusionment, i'm back in the twilight zone... I once read that the darkest hour comes before dawn... so maybe this new experience will quench my thirst and reveal the rays of sun peeking through the night... and when it is over, a new day would have begun, bringing me closer to my hopes and dreams...

Politically apathetic

I am politically apathetic.

I prefer this to being engaged in a political party whose leaders will deceive me, double-cross their ideals and sell their martyrs to the highest bidder... I prefer to be neutral than to be aggressive, to judge a person on their values not their religion or political affiliation... I would rather join prayers with anyone who believes in the future of this country in its plurality, than to curse my neighbor...

It has been a while since I listened to the news, or read any statement by the various politicians viiying for the position of president. It seems they have forgotten that they are pledging to serve their country and its citizens, not achieving personal fame. We are in for a tense week ahead, because the threat is everywhere, and everyone is a target.

In death, we are all equal, we will take our last breath and cross over, where we will be judged according to the amount of love in the actions we did. No one will remember our fame, our political affiliation, or the balance in our bank account.

Parents are now warning their children not to leave their home, to avoid public places, to limit their activities to the bare necessities... and they will not succeed in convincing them, because at the end of the day, we want to really live, not live from lack of death.

I am politically apathetic, but I believe in my country. I believe in my fellow country man/woman. I believe that good actions can make a difference. I believe that I have a future here. I believe that we will make it through with our humanity. And I believe we will maintain our hope, in the end.